June 16 2010

I know it has been a while. I have moved, and have had allot going on else where in my life. I haven't had the time to sit in front of a computer for more than 10 minutes here or there. I moved back in April, and it has been wonderful. I love where I live! I get to take the dogs on walks daily, plus, living in an apartment, I feel as though I have my very own private gym! I pretend that I am rich and can just afford such luxuries in life I guess. ha ha.. Scott & I go almost every night to the gym. And there has only been other people there once! I guess we are pretty lucky. I don't like doing the gym equipment, but they have a racquetball room there, and it is SO much fun. And on top of being fun it really gets me sweating. Which is a wonderful thing. I normally don't break a sweat doing anything else. And I also love taking walks now, which is very nice. We take our dogs and go around the entire complex. It's been a real joy. I have also been eating allot less, more healthy foods. Although I am exercising the most I ever have in my life, and am eating less, more healthy foods, I am not seeing a huge drop in weight loss. From May 3 to today I have lost 14 lbs. Which is good, I just want more. I feel like I am making a true effort here, and I want to see more of a result that what I am. At first it all dropped off quickly, but it's been weeks now with out seeing any loss at all. Which is very hard, and very discouraging. On mothers day of this year I had a huge eye opening, jaw dropping epiphany. It was wondrous. And my Scotty, has been here through it all. I really owe allot to him now. He's been here through some pretty hard times with me. On mothers day I realised something so tragic. If I didn't change my course in life I was going to end up being bedridden and have to use one of those fat people carts at the store. Not that there is anything wrong.. With that picture necessarily. But that is not what I want for ME! No.. It's not. It never has been. I don't know why it took me this long to realise something so obvious.. But it has. I wanted to lose weight before. But nothing like this. It's like it's in my core now. Not to overeat. Not to just sit on my ass 24/7.. And to be honest, now I even want to go to the gym everyday! Who would of ever thought! ME!! Wow. I am taking a good hard look, at myself. And I can tell you my trigger foods, are deserts and going out to eat. So to remedy this, I have not been eating out as much, if I get fast food, it's a kids meal size. And if I have a desert, it's only once a week. And really I haven't even had that much desert since I have had this awaking. I have stopped completely getting things out of the vending machine. Trying to eat more complex carb like whole grains. Eating more protein and fiber so I feel fuller longer. And don't get me wrong. I still have had moments of weakness. Where I do still over eat. But not nearly as much as it was. And now I feel guilty about doing it, and I try to work it off. So overall I would say I am in a much better place because of this. I am concentrating on being more fit. Getting on Sparkpeople.com more often, after working the stages.. And I joined OA - Over eaters Anonymous.. Which has been working out really good. I feel like if I focus on not overeating it will be easier not to. I have some wonderful support right now in my family that I am just grateful for. That's all for now. Thanks for listening.

2/7/10

It's been a week, this is the second week on Alli, and I have actually gained 2 lbs. Which is crappy. I haven't done anything differently really. And I have been taking my pills with every meal like I am supposed to. It's hard to continue, because I feel like I am always failing. I just wish I could have surgery and be done! I am sick of being this way. This weight prohibits me from exercising.. It prohibits me from hikes. I am discouraged as I am sure you can tell. So if you have any inspiration to share, please do!

1/31/2010

So I just did my weekly check in with Alli, and was so suprised to find out, that I have lost a total of 6 lbs since tuesday.. How exciting is that.. It's my first week, and it is such a great feeling to actually see results in the first week. And that big of a weight loss! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..

1/25/2010

Today I just went out for a walk, for about an hour. I took both my dogs, and Scott came too! It was a nice enjoyable walk, and at times I jogged a bit. I am also going to start taking Alli, it's the only medicine my doctor will advise me of having because of possible side effects of the other medications that are prescription. I already have a low-fat/fat-free diet, now I just really need to work on portion control. It's hard though when I feel so hungry, and I eat so fast that I eat more to feel full, I should eat a small amount, and wait 20 or so minutes before dishing up more. But that is a big struggle for me, I think I have a fear of being hungry.. It's not a fun thing, I don't know why I must fear this, why with all the food and convenience in the world today..
I just weighed in and I lost 2.2 lbs.... When getting ready to go on this walk, ya know, it's a work out just on its own.. I have to get my sports bra on, work out pants that should fit only two sizes ago, and a very tight shirt, with cap sleeves that feel like tourniquets.. Putting on compression socks, and tying on tennis shoes.. I was already sweating. And when I was done, I didn't even feel like going. Because it's such a work out for me just doing the most mundane of tasks. For a while I had Scott tie my shoes every morning. Do you know how that feels. I am 23! I should be able to reach, and tie my own shoes just fine!!! THAT'S WHY I NEED TO DO THIS! FOR ME!!

And please, wish me luck tonight, I am going out to a pizzeria for my brothers birthday party.. And I just hope, I don't eat too much pizza. I better get a salad, so I don't over eat. But even salads, these days, you can't trust them. Especially in restaurants!!!! EVIL places of delicious foods and devilish deserts..

1/19/2010

I know it has been some time since my last post. I have been very busy, getting new carpet and painting. And that really is just the half of it. I haven't been focused nor had time to exercise. But that also means I haven't been focused on eating. And with a buried kitchen, food was even hard to get to.. With that being said, I weighed yesterday. And I have lost 3 lbs. since my last entry, so that is great. I am awfully stressed, with trying to get the house ready to sell. I hope it sells fast. The only time I get to myself is a 10 min shower, and today, while I was in there. I was thinking. When I was young, and starting to eat more and more. I remember looking up to my older siblings and wanting to eat just like them. I even remember feeling accomplished with eating 3, yes THREE packages of Ramon. I really thought I did a good job. And with your parents making "you" clean your plate. It's no wonder why half of America is over weight. I grew up in the age of Nintendo.. I didn't have many friends. My family wasn't active in the Mormon church, so every one in our neighborhood looked down upon me, and my family. My time was spent playing Nintendo, and watching movies. And allot of TV. And eating.. Allot allot of eating. We eat to celebrate, eat to morn.. I even eat out of boredom. I need a life style change. ... food for thought..

January 13 2010

I have decided to start blogging about my ups and so many downs of diets. I plan to at least write 3 times a week and "weigh" in once a week. My goal is to lose sixty five pounds by Jan 1 2011. Not only to lose, but to hopefully, become much more healthier than I am now. I know it's going to be a struggle. But I am willing to try just about everything. I will also be keeping a journal of everything I eat, daily.


My current weight: 251 BMI: 45.9
Goal weight by 1/1/11: 186. BMI: 34

Earlier this year, I attempted to go through my insurance and get the Lap band system. However, I could not physically nor financially jump through the hoops to get them (Altius) to pay for it. So I am going to try to lose this weight the "old fashioned" way. With hard work, sweat, tears, and eating less, and way more healthy, I believe I can and will lose that sixty five pounds!