Thinking of everything going on.. Feeling overwhelmed. Like I can't handle all the stress, and daily pressures of life. Not feeling well, light headed, being dizzy. Working ten hour days. My dad, dying. House searching. Whats for dinner?
What do these things all have in common? They are all excuses.
It doesn't matter what is happening in my life. What I want to accomplish is getting healthy, getting thin and being who I want to be.
I don't know why I don't just shut up and do what it is I need to do (IE: workout) But these excuses are running my life.. And ruining my life.. I almost wish I was addicted to drugs.. Rather than food. I could at least quit drugs. But I will always have to eat. There will be a min. of three times a day for me to falter. Room to over eat. Room to choose the wrong types of food. I think someone should make eating healthy a convenience.. ah yet, another excuse.
I can't just let my life be the way it is.. I am dying. Slowly. I am morbidly obese, and feel so run down from carrying so much extra weight.
No one can help me, until I can help myself. No one can take away my pain, or make this process any easier, or shorter. It is what it is. And why is it that I only answer to "Natalie"? Why can't someone tell me what to do, and I just do it.. No complaints. I wish I just felt worth while. Like I was worth the time, the effort to get healthy. I feel worthless.. But no one can tell me differently. It doesn't matter what any one says. Only what I feel. These feelings cannot be changed with out me wanting to change them.
